Living Out Loud

Hey beautiful folks! I received quite a bit of feedback in reference to my last post on fulfilling your goals. Within the post, I harbored on living out loud and because of this, I decided to extend the discussion. What does living out loud actually mean? I guess it can be interpreted based on individual preference, but I am going to just summarize the topic to living your best life. I’m sure we’ve all heard that saying and several know the hit song describing that nugget of wisdom: “Living My Best Life” by Lil Duval. Some of the lyrics are racy ? , but overall the gist of the song ? is ideal for being the best you.

As I write this, I realize today is World Mental Health Day, ? and what better day to implement the importance of focusing on self than today. I believe that it is never too late to understand and digest the model of self-care. ? Once we determine that we have to prioritize our needs, our inner being has shifted. ⬅️ ➡️ In fact, it shifts so much that it reconciles with your outer image. To have your inner and outer being harmonize as one entity allows for the perfect balance that represents you. ?‍♀️ Every particle within is now reflecting outward and showcases the essence of You. It displays a congruent being who is synchronized and healthy. ? You are living in peace ☮️ and comfortable in your skin. You know yourself inside and out and you continue to learn yourself inside and outward to remain in control of your overall being. Yes- it’s a purpose-filled existence and you deserve all of the accolades for living your life wholly.

Your life will always be that- your life. People will talk, speculate, judge and well, just be the hypocritical people that they are. What does that have to do with you? What makes people actually care about what others think, ? to the level of restricting your life? I’ve pondered this stalemate and came to the conclusion that people want to appear top-notch in others’ eyes. They want to appear “normal” and “common” and have the ability to “blend-in”. So, society says a certain image is wholesome and upheld while another one is wicked and gossip-worthy. What say you? Does living that ideal make you happy? ? Does it make you feel that you are living this once in a lifetime experience, called LIFE, to the ultimate degree? Do you feel constrained? Are you holding back to distort the image based on what is viewed acceptable? If you can answer those questions honestly and attest that you are happy- ? go forth and continue this said path. For those of you who desire more and know you need more: ? LIVE OUT LOUD.

There is only one ☝️ you. There may be many who share similarities, but they can never ? be you. You are a beautiful creature who God created in His image and who He continues to mold to become a better you. He works in and through us to help others to achieve their betterment. By living out loud and engaging in what makes you unique, you are manifesting to others the gift of being an individual! You become an inspiration and walk in the message ? that it can be done. ✅ You show the world ? that you give zero cares to what others think of you and that whatever they think of you is their problem: not yours. ?‍♀️ You are worthy to live how loud or quiet you desire. If the legality is intact along with moral consciousness, you are free to live freely and go for it. Remember, we get one life so build your inner consciousness to start the journey of LIVING OUT LOUD!

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Goal-Setting

Hey there! There’s an importance of setting and obtaining goals in every facet of your life. I know that many people automatically think of careers when goal-setting is broached. Well, that is only one aspect and should be a topic implemented regularly to ensure that you are not only living your best life, but also attempting it. It does not have to be such a hardship that brings anxiety based on the work that presupposes it. Anything worth having is worth working hard for, right? ? So, let’s go. ?‍♀️

What do you want to achieve? Are you content with where you are or do you look at your life and feel unfulfilled with a desire to procure something more? I hear people saying “goals” in response to other people’s lives. As a therapist, I ponder ? what the respondent is actually thinking ? at the time when they state that word in reference to an image. Is that actually a goal that they truly have or is it something that is stated because it looks aesthetically pleasing? It’s easy to desire what others have and attempt to fulfill that level of success and call it a goal. ?‍♀️ However, let’s not forget that success is always going to be subjective. What’s considered successful to one may not weigh the same to someone else. Success does not always equal monetary ? gain. For some, that is a huge part of it, but there is so much more. For those individuals who look at “successful marriages” and state “goals” referring to the outside image the couple portrays, fail to recognize everything that glitters is not gold ? and it is also subjective.

Society shapes our worldview and ideals of what is acceptable and worthy of achieving. How would this idea look to you if you took the time to truly travel within yourself to discover what your individual goals are? The thought of actually formulating your own path ?‍♀️ and disregarding what others expect or think not only sets you apart from the masses, but also makes you a trailblazer! ? You’re really in a category of a select few when you live life out loud with your own rules and goals. How do I develop this mindset? ? That part is actually easy. Take the time to get to know who you truly are and once you achieve that level of assuredness, live unapologetically as YOU.

Where do I start?

You start with introspection. There’s always internal work ? to be done. After continued self-exploration, you will determine that some of the goals that you desire may need an enhancement. Others may need to be removed completely and innovative ones should sprout in their place. Whatever the goal, whether it’s professional or personal, can be attained if the effort is asserted. ? I always tell my clients the importance of setting mini-goals with rewarding yourself along the way. It can be extremely overwhelming to your psyche to just list a massive goal, such as “start a new career”. That goal in itself has to be broken down into mini-achievements to keep you pushing forward to getting there. There will be multiple steps or mini-goals that have to be achieved before you get there, i.e., research programs, apply for acceptance, register for certification class, take national exam, complete internship, just to name a few examples. After you have listed all of the steps to get there, check them off as you complete them and have a small personal celebration each time to keep your spirits and mojo positive. You are your number one cheerleader-? ENCOURAGE SELF!

Once the goals are fulfilled, ✅ you fully understand the importance of living out loud and remaining unapologetically you. ? You’ve worked diligently to set and achieve your goals and no one can take those accomplishments from you. NO ONE. Incontinently, you come into yourself, further adapting to the ideals that your goals, your life, your existence is all YOU. You owe no one an explanation of being YOU. Society is ever-changing, but you are also who you are and allowed to be as fluid as you like, without a thought to who likes it or not. ?‍♀️ It’s YOUR life. You only get one! ☝️ ? So, LIVE IT, SET YOUR OWN GOALS, and ACHIEVE THEM!

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Connections

Hi there! I’ve received quite a few messages inquiring about my weekly blog, and at this point, my time only permits a blog biweekly, so check for it every two weeks! I usually decide what I am going to blog about based on what I gain from others over the week. This time, I was compelled based on a meme that applies to so many people. It states: May I please never get attached to a heart ♥️ that isn’t meant to be mine. These words speak so many different lessons for varied situations and can truly apply to any of us.

I think most people would look at that phrase and automatically think of forbidden love. ? I cannot say that I did not think the same, and I will discuss that later as well, but it refers to any type of soul tie that people can become entangled in. Soul ties can refer to spiritual, emotional or physical connections between two people. ? ? They can be marriage, wedding ? business, physical intimacy, and friendship. ? Either way, they can be difficult to break without the inner strength ? to do so. Unhealthy soul ties can include obsessing about a person, dreaming about them or waking up thinking about them regularly and also hearing ? their voice in your head. You may also imagine a life that you know will most likely never happen with this person. They usually form from co-dependency, idolatry of another person, abandonment issues with said person or others, and can be so detrimental to your being. It’s important to evaluate all of the relationships in your life to properly label them as healthy or unhealthy. ?

Those soul ties that form spiritually with your spouse or mate are a special gift from God and should be viewed as such. ? If the soul tie is healthy, you feel good ? about the connection and the feelings are reciprocated. You have a calming and peaceful existence with this person and if we are speaking in romantic terms, ? this is most likely your soul mate ? (for those romantics who believe in soul mates ? ). For business partners and friendships, peace is definitely present and there is a resounding connection that exists within the partnership and connection. Disagreements may happen, even in healthy connections, because you are two different individuals, however; you always return to a healthy state of existence with this person. NOURISH THAT BOND! It is indubitably worth it given the premise that humans thrive on relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Now, ? for any of your relationships that just should not be, or in some of your situations, never should have been, a soul tie is very unhealthy and can be deleterious to your being. ? As a therapist, yes, I’ve had clients who were on the giving and receiving ends of infidelity, resulting in soul ties. Some couples ? work through infidelity and some cannot get beyond it. ⬆️ Either way, there is zero judgment on this end, as a professional, but whatever decision is made can affect every partner negatively, if the predicament is not processed from beginning to end. For anyone in any type of circumstance like this, no matter your role, if the other person does not feel the same about you: ? MOVE ON! Unwind those thoughts, ? speak positive affirmations over your life, dismantle those unrealistic dreams with this person, and press forward. ➡️

You are worthy of more than that situation or relationship. It is time to stop wasting ? your precious time ? and move on to loving ? yourself and meeting someone who deserves you. One of my favorite quotes is: People come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. Identify if that relationship was a reason or season, take the lesson and move on ✌️. They did not feel the same way as you and that’s ok, you will meet someone who is worthy of you. CUT THAT UNHEALTHY SOUL TIE. Ask God to help you through prayer(if you are spiritual), and work on building your strength ? to get over your past. Always remember that you cannot make people feel the same way. Do not let some one keep showing you that they are no longer interested or treat you as you are less than your worth. Take back your thoughts, ? your dreams, your life.

Now, I am not saying that the person on the other end is not a good person because everyone makes mistakes and chooses unwisely from time to time. In fact, I will go out on a limb ? to say that they very well may be good-hearted individuals, as well. I just want you to know that they are not meant for you and that’s ok! ? Let them have a great life with whomever they choose and you do the same by moving on and showing your worth. You are worth having someone to solely love you the same way that you desire to love this unhealthy connection that you’ve formed. ? MOVE ON- keep your sanity and rediscover peace of mind, because I am sure that individual has that already, yet you’re showing him or her that you are not capable of doing the same. Take back your power and go forth in life and live your best life. ?

I know that all of my blogs will not apply to you faithful readers, but they apply to some of you, which is where I get my inspiration to write them. If this one doesn’t apply to you, maybe you have a friend, sibling or co-worker who needs help with understanding their worth and how to break unhealthy soul ties.

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Controlling Your Emotions

So, as you’ve noticed throughout the weeks of listening to my words while reading my blogs, YOU MATTER. It truly doesn’t matter what the topic is that particular week because you now understand that I’m stressing the importance of your feelings and how to achieve being the best YOU. This week I relied on the help of important people in my life to narrow down what subject to discuss and here we are: Controlling Your Emotions. ? ? ?

In week 6, we discussed the ideal that “Your Feelings are Valid”. If you haven’t read it yet, go back and read it when you have time. ⏰ I stressed the importance of living in your truth and embracing your emotions, no matter what. You are entitled to embody what you are feeling through all of the highs and lows. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe that this is how we attain victory ? over every situation in our life. Going within yourself and resonating with these emotions help us to properly process the ordeals, in order to land ?‍♀️ on the other side of them. Now that we have a refresher on this topic, I am sure you are questioning why I want to discuss controlling your emotions because that seems condescending, right?

Newton said that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If we believe that, we understand the importance of reactions to stimuli around us. External stimuli evoke emotion within us and force ? us to confront rational as well as irrational beliefs. ? We may not immediately identify what is considered irrational or rational, but the mandatory task of “going within” or exploring our inner beings will aid in deciphering what is what. If you feel passionately about anything, including but not limited to i.e., situations, actions, subject matters, people, ? ? ? ? experiences, there is a reason for it. You are justified in this reaction in that moment; however, it is your responsibility to discover why. Maybe you’ve already processed this specific matter because you regularly perform self-checkups and if that applies, you’re on the right path to controlling your emotions.

Self-control and controlling your emotions work synonymously when encountering these known matters which produce reactions from you. Once you’ve mastered self-control, your emotions will remain intact and you’re able to suppress the moment, if warranted, until you decide that you’re ready to process them. That sounds mature, huh? ? Yes, it is and typically applies for most adults ?, but we all know that adults are placed in compromising situations that they never would fathom. If you gain new self-knowledge in that moment based on your reaction, it is an astute indicator of the need for additional self-reflection.

Let’s reiterate: ? NEVER suppress your feelings. They MATTER. It’s vital to process them after you’ve discovered that you are emotionally impacted by the specific issue. There’s a time and place for everything, including a time to express certain emotions such as anger, ? hurt, ? , disappointment, joy ? , and so forth. Just understand that when you have self-control mastered, you will be able to decipher, if this is one of those times or not. In the event that you lose control in that moment, introspection assists with conquering this feat.

There’s no competition with anyone other than with yourself. Each day ☀️ that you are granted is a gift ? of being a better you than you were the day before. All of the time that you willingly and unwillingly devote to every entity, but yourself, apportions a disservice to you. In a nutshell, ? you are capable of tackling ? your emotions through processing and self-observation, but NEVER ? downplay ? what you are feeling. It is the essential ? key to learning who you truly are, in order to live in your truth and most importantly, continuing to be THE BEST YOU!

Sending ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Getting to Your Happy

Happiness starts and ends with you, right? Yes. ? It is impossible to expect someone to make you happy if you cannot even achieve this feat on your own. What is happiness though? So, google states “it is the state of being happy”. Further research informs ” it is the feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. It’s the opposite of sadness”. A few synonyms are: well-being, contentment, and joy. Well, that is a start to identifying what happiness is. However, I want to discuss getting to YOUR HAPPY because as we discuss every week, you are not me. ? You are beautiful, special YOU who deserves to achieve your happy! ?

As we continue to journey through life and further mature, we constantly evolve. ? ? ? ? Who I was at 21, is not the same woman that I was at 30, or 40 and now at age….well you get the picture ? ( I just had a beautiful, blessed birthday on Friday ? ?) . What constituted happy for me at 21 was what I needed at that stage in my life. If you’re like me and you have children and/or a spouse, at some point while you’re learning to navigate your life, you focus more on their happiness than your own. You condition yourself to believe that as long as my children, spouse, and grandchildren are happy, so am I. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with ensuring that your loved ones are happy and thriving in life. In fact, that ideal becomes prevalent, especially with children because we’re only as happy as our saddest child. Right? ? It’s impossible to be over the moon ? joyous when your nuclear family is suffering to a capacity of affecting their well-being. (remember above where Google said it was a synonym of happiness, so we’ll go with it ? ). As humans, all of that can definitely affect our overall mood and how we feel about life. Occasionally, it will spin us into bouts of depression and anxiety episodes. Does that mean that we are now considered an unhappy ? person and no longer capable of being happy, due to the challenges that are taking over our psyche? Let’s explore this a little more. ?

So, you’ve heard me say that my mantra is anything that impacts my peace is too expensive, right? ? Yes, CJ, yes. We get that. ? Well, if you’ve heard that a million times, you’ve also heard (if you’re a client or family) or seen me type on my social media pages (if you follow me- if you’re not, I’m appalled ? )that “YOU ARE NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES”. I must be more biased to that affirmation because I printed it on the back of my business cards! ♥️ Wow. They’re equally as important, because both principles relay to your inner-self that you are worthy of happiness in spite of what’s happening around you. Knowing who you are and living by that credo makes you that beautiful, special being that I declared you were when you began reading ? this blog. Look at you! YOU are everything and have enough within you to be happy. Once you discover what that is, not one human being or circumstance can ever remove YOUR HAPPY. Hence, happiness starts and ends with you. ?

You learn how to battle ? ? those outside stressors and as you are battling them, you label them as controllable or uncontrollable. From there, you are on an uphill adventure. It’s easier said than done ✅ , I get it; however, it is solely on you to work on strengthening how you react to external stimuli. These psychological, social and environmental stressors are beasts but within you is the power to defeat the long-term affects that could occur. You are a victor who can conquer YOUR HAPPY because, repeat after me: ? “I AM NOT MY CIRCUMSTANCES”. ” I DESERVE HAPPINESS”. “I AM WORTHY”. Making time for building your inner- self or your psyche is imperative to achieving your happiness. The same energy that you give to your children, ? , grandchildren, significant other, career, etc., is the same energy that has to be poured into YOU. We make time for the things that we want and we should always want the well-being (there’s that word again) of ourselves. ?

We don’t deserve just contentment….we deserve JOY. I wanted to use all three words since Google said so. ? I cannot tell you how to get to YOUR HAPPY. I just know that it takes a great deal of effort and commitment to your SELF. Discover you, exert yourself, get to YOUR HAPPY because it’s time ? . Now, on your mark, get set………………………………….. GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! ?‍♀️ ?

Sending ? and ? ,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Picking Your Battles

How do we pick our battles? What constitutes a worthy battle to fight? If we choose to disengage from battle in something, does that mean the struggles we engage in are the correct choices to give our attention to? There are many interesting questions that I have thought about as I help people on this journey of learning discernment. Individuality is the answer to all of the questions above. Whatever you see fit to work through or fight for has to be worthy of your time and energy.

It seems easy to look ? from the outside at others and say how you would handle a situation. They could say the same for situations that you encounter, but unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. Everyone has an individualized life that is lived which creates a worldview in which they make decisions. Basically, it’s as simple as saying ” walk a mile in my shoes”. ? ? ? Until you have those life experiences and view life from that individual’s lens, you can not state a valid opinion of how scenarios can be handled. What appears to be so basic for many is not for so many others.

So how do you discern what to devote your precious time ⏰ to? Identify what is important to you. Is the situation impacting you to a level of dismantling your peace? Well, that’s a no-brainer. All of my clients, family and friends have heard my mantra more times than they can count- anything that impacts my peace is too expensive. Once peace becomes a part of your daily life, there’s no return to the nonsense on any level. You learn how to analyze ? every aspect of your life as a controllable or uncontrollable entity. You prioritize everything in the order that works for you and move forward. That’s it. Nothing more nothing less. Knowing which battles are worthy enough to take on and those that result in a dead end ⚠️ will help you to discern, every single time.

Here are 7 questions to ask yourself while you are learning to pick your battles:

  1. Is it important? Ask yourself is it really important enough to devote any time and energy towards it. If the answer is yes, proceed.
  2. Is it impacting important areas of your life such as lack of sleep, inability to focus or concentrate, or feel the best you? If the answer is no ? – move on, it’s definitely unworthy of you.
  3. Do you have the time and energy ? to take on this new situation? We make time for everything that we find dear to us, if this isn’t that for you-let it go. ✌️
  4. What will you gain from this battle? ? Is it the idea of saying you won it or is it really necessary to prove your validity with it? If you truly cannot answer what you gain from entering into this conflict- keep it moving.
  5. Is this even your battle to contend with? Sometimes we interject ourselves into other people’s problems that are not even ours. Not my dog, ? not my fight ? .
  6. Is your life under control enough for you to add anything else onto your plate ? of life? Sometimes we are over-consumed in our lives and need to learn how to deal with the challenges ? we are already presented with.
  7. Do you know your worth? ? You’re worthy enough to give yourself a choice every single time of whether to engage in something or not.

That’s just a start, but let’s chat ? about it. How do you pick your battles deciphering between what is worthy of your engagement and what is not?

Sending ? and ? ,

CJ

? LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Hurt People Hurt People

Yes, you’ve heard this phrase before. Is it true? Yes- it most definitely is. We need to deal with our hurts in order to heal ourselves and keep pushing towards a new day. In some cases, it is intentional to dish out the hurt so that others can endure what you are experiencing; however, in many cases, it is not even known that it has come to that level of expression. It can be a defense mechanism to help get through moments of grief, such as a quick, harsh lashing out at others, but after that, then what? Do you feel better temporarily, only for it to return and then on that same destructive path to delve out additional hurt ? ? It is a cycle, for certain, that has to be acknowledged and tackled to finally heal. ?

Almost a decade ago, while in graduate school, we were assigned many books to read and review, but there was one that stood out for me, which related to practically everyone I know. Sandra Wilson’s, Hurt People Hurt People, is the book that I like to refer back to in understanding the pain ? that so many carry with them on this journey of life. Practically every scenario of hurt is addressed in the book, including unseen wounds, hurt by childhood choices, childhood fantasies, enduring hurt from others, and more. She says that “tragically, many of us continue to live out our early childhood ? choices year after pain-filled year as if we have no more options now than we were parent-dependent kids. But we do!” (p.83) Adult pain from childhood choices is real and it’s debilitating which affects us continuously in adulthood. Some of us did not learn how to process hurt as children and now we’re still handling it the same way that we did as children. Let that sink in. ?

This pain can manifest itself as anger ? in us. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion that results from a primary or underlying emotion, such as hurt, disappointment ?, guilt, etc. Anger can rule our actions. Let me give you an example. Think about a feel good story that you see on social media. Instead of just reading the story, you may feel compelled to leave a comment under the post. Something in you tells you to read the comments ? from others and although many are positive, you keep scrolling subconsciously until you land on that one evil post that turns this feel good post into an argument ? of where you are now defending what’s right. Wow. How’d you get here? Some ignorant person who you’ll never meet evoked all of these feelings and emotions in you. You’re angry but Wilson (2001) helps us to see that “hurt people commonly use anger to disguise and deflect their guilt and grief”. In a nutshell, this speaks volumes. It’s time to deal with those suppressed feelings that are ruling your life. After you truly understand YOU and why you are feeling this way, you learn to walk away and the power of discernment. Look at you: EVOLVING! ?

Going forward, many of the blogposts will most likely deal with how we deal with pain in our lives. How it turns into depression, grief, anxiety, fear, resentment, pent up anger and so much more is a true reality of those who deal with this on a daily basis. I’m asked frequently for resources, and suggestions on self-help books ? and this is one that I pull from my resource bookshelf quite often. I’m a self-help book junkie, but if you’re starting your collection, go for it. Time ? to heal those wounds and stop spreading your unhealed hurt ? to others. You got this! ?

Reference:

Sandra Wilson (2001): Hurt People Hurt People

Sending light and love,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

How to Live with Your Choices

Each week is different for me discovering what I want to discuss. Sometimes it’s based on current events, other times it’s what I am feeling within, which needs to escape in the form of words. So, the topic this week of how to live with your choices speaks volumes. ? We all have heard the adage “no regrets”, but how simple is that to live by? It seems that as we self-reflect, choices that we’ve made for our lives invade our minds. Questioning and wondering ? what could have been, if this choice hadn’t been made, is an all too familiar thought that permeates our inner-self.

Usually, it’s the detrimental choices that we feel compelled to focus on and the right choices tend to be overlooked because there’s zero need to focus on those, right? ? Wrong. For every unfavorable choice that you’ve made, there has to be a sound one. Let’s explore some scenarios. So, you picked the wrong mate? You thought they were the one, but turns out that they are so far from being the right one that they should be on a different planet. ? You didn’t finish that education or career path that you laid out when you were in high school. Life got in the way and now you feel stuck in a dead end job. You let your emotions ?? lead and then you went down a path of destruction. Whether that included engaging in substance abuse, promiscuity, jail stints and more, it’s not the life you desired for yourself….but here you are. Ta-Da! ?

So CJ, since you have all of the answers, how do I forgive myself and move on from the shame I feel due to my past mistakes? Well, I definitely don’t have all of the answers, but I do understand the power of forgiveness. When we forgive others, it’s for us and not for them because they no longer possess that power over us; therefore, we can move on in our lives. That same sentiment works for you too. Forgive yourself for those choices, so that you can move forward and concentrate on what you did right. We can’t go backward, ⬅️ so we have to keep moving ahead. ➡️ What have you done right? It all can’t be faulty because you’re still here. ?

? I’ll say it every post if I need to in order for you to grasp it: YOU ARE NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES!!! Defining yourself by past choices that you made undermines who you are today and who you are destined to be. Every situation is unique because we are all individuals, but one thing we all have in common is that we are humans. Humans are flawed and we are not infallible. We learn to accept our choices and not just lie in the bed ? we made, but you cannot remain there. Get out of that bed and continue moving onward and upward! ⬆️ You are worthy of everything that you attempt and achieve. Just work on forgiving those past choices and start weighing out all the pros ➕ and cons ➖ going forward ➡️ when broached with new decisions.

Learn from your past. That’s what it’s there for, a life lesson- JUST FOR YOU!!! You’re extraordinary enough to get your own lessons and they’re not like anyone else’s. Well, aren’t you special! Yes you are! You continue to grow strength ?from the challenges that you endure. You become stronger for every ☔️storm in your life that you defeat. One thing that I learned about storms: you are in one, coming out of one, or getting ready to enter into another one. NO ONE is exempt. NO ONE. Keep that same energy and winning spirit as you encounter the future ones, and you will start to view yourself as a victor and not a victim of your circumstances.

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU ARE LOVED! ?

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Staying True to Yourself

Greetings All! ? This week’s topic can be utilized right now during these unprecedented times as well as any other time in your life when you question who you are and what you stand for. Recently, we’ve all witnessed the influx of information out here relating to recent events pertaining to Covid-19 and protests, but we must adhere to our inner voice. It’s easy to conform to someone’s way of thinking and believing, especially when you haven’t done the work yet to know who you are. These are times when we all should go within ourselves to explore our inner being, which is the true essence of who we are. Does this mean that who you were at age 18 is who you should still be at age 40? Absolutely not. In fact, we should evolve as we mature and gain more insight; however, our foundation of our persona remains the same.

Taking into consideration that we may not have endured specific situations to know where we may stand is still important to understand who we still are. You do not have to endure specific situations to understand right and wrong. If you hold certain morals and values for yourself, you will remain true to that part of you. If you ever question who you are through situations, it is an indicator where to begin work in your life. This allows you to grasp a better understanding of where you stand with yourself, not the situation. ?

Do the work. Learn who you are. Take a stand. Stand firm on it. Engage in transparency- always. This is how you make sense of it all and continue to get through this challenging journey of life. ?

This week, I wanted to include a quick , but informative, three and a half minute video of Ralph Smart. He is an author, psychologist, radio host, researcher, and film maker to name a few of his accolades. The You Tube video that he posted on “Staying True to Yourself” speaks volumes and will provide you with a constant resource to refer to whenever in doubt on how to achieve it. Within the link, there are many resources on how to follow him on all social media outlets as well as his website. ☀️

Access Smart’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr8zwbbl7nI

I hope you will enjoy and I hope that you will continue to stay true to yourself.

Sending light and love,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Your Feelings are Valid

This week was supposed to be the last topic of my series discussing Coronavirus and how to cope. It was going to be focused on how to move forward, but that’s not as important as what I have on my mind for this week’s topic: You and your feelings. How do we process all of this unfairness and corruption that continues to infiltrate our lives? For some reason, in spite of all of the heartaches relating to police brutality or unwarranted homicides that many of us have felt more frequently in the past ten years(thanks to the internet and social media), these most recent heartbreaking events seem to affect us beyond a state of unrest.

FEELINGS

Since last week, my therapeutic sessions have seemed to focus more on how we are coping with the murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. The passion that has been evoked in most of us, and I feel safe to say of all of my readers, is unwavering. The thought of having to repeatedly visualize the image of an innocent man’s murder on camera, at the hands of someone who has taken an oath to serve and protect is just heart-wrenching and led to the eruption of protests that you are witnessing daily. When you can’t be an ordinary citizen and sleep or enjoy ice cream in your home(Breonna Taylor, Botham Jean, respectively), take a jog in your neighborhood (Ahmaud Arbery), or receive due process of the law without being murdered on camera(George Floyd), you hopefully realize that your emotions are beyond valid to feel everything that you are experiencing. Everything. From anger ? to frustration, exhaustion, rage, hurt, disappointment, grief, fear, unprotected, broken, heartbreak, depression, confusion ?, anxiety, and so many more that become a cycle of emotions that seem to place you in an out of control state. ?

CHALLENGES

What’s more exhausting than all of these feelings is the fact that you also have other challenges going on in your life at the same dang time. UGH! ? Whether you’re dealing with older problems, new situations, or an influx of both that are stressing you to a level of breakdown, it’s just too much to handle. Something has to give in order to continue on and see a clearer sky. ☀️ As I’ve heard the millennials say often “the struggle is real”. What can you do to make all of these problems and heightened emotions dissipate that seem to occupy your mind like this?

SELF CARE

I’ll tell you what you can’t do. You can’t continue like this without a plan. Self-care is vital. ? You must prioritize what needs your time and energy and how much of it. If you’re an active protester and you have to continue, designate certain days that you are able to lend your voice and exercise your first amendment right. At the level of justified aggravation that we are feeling, protesting could continue for months to come. By choosing times and days that you can partake allows you to control your time and focus on the importance of the movement for those moments. You’re back in the driver’s seat ? with your schedule and dominating your stress levels. You do not have to physically protest daily because that can be overly draining for you and lead to self-deterioration along with self-deprivation. If you feel the need to be greatly involved, lend your help in other areas behind the scenes, in the comfort of your home, on the days outside of the days that you are protesting.

DETERMINATION

Work your schedule! Devote enough time to the other areas and problems that are consuming your life. All of our problems are either controllable by making certain decisions or taking certain actions to alleviate them OR they are out of our control. Once you identify and label each problem/situation in your life, ? it makes it easier to cope and elevate from it and move on to the next. You CAN cope and get through any and everything that you are enduring, but it takes vigorous effort and determination.

GRIEF

Grieve for our lost brothers and sisters. ? It feels as if we’ve lost a family member because we realize they could easily be one of our own family members. This also may trigger losses that we may already be struggling with and the pain of loss from a loved one is unbearable to say the least. ? Mourn all of your losses and know that you are not alone. You are entitled to grieve as long as you need. Grief is an individual process for everyone. You owe zero explanation for your ups and downs and forward movement or remaining stagnant. I’m going to shout it from the mountaintop ⛰until it resonates in you:

?YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!

Always know that help is here. If you can’t get the relief you need in dealing with your emotions and seem to be further declining in your functionalities, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Sending many prayers and blessings to you!

Stay strong and remember you got this. ?

***For you that need scripture reference to help deal with grief, please go to: Psalms: 147:3, Matthew: 11:28-30, Isaiah: 54, and John: 14:27

RIP George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breanna Taylor ?

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LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC: A CONTINUATION OF TODAY’S TOPIC