IS THERE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS?

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that many people that you know, including yourself, are feeling lost in translation. Maybe a traumatic event placed you in this space or maybe you just haven’t recognized yourself since the pandemic of our generation. Whatever it is, it’s a very uneasy feeling that continually asks you if this is all there is for your life and if you should you just chalk it up and come to terms with it.

I don’t have all of the answers but I have a few nuggets of wisdom to share to help you out of this disparaging space of doom. If you follow me anywhere on social media, this blogspace or invested in my first book(Bookbaby or Amazon), you know the importance of getting to your peace and ensuring your support circle is intact. What does that look like for you? Stop and think about who makes up your support circle and if they are worthy to be acknowledged as being a part of your circle. You have control of this circle because it is carefully formulated by you to add and subtract on an ongoing basis.

Now that you have identified these important folks in your life, ask yourself are you receiving the support from them to push through to the next level when you’re incapable of doing it your own? Everyone experiences times when you need an outside source to advocate for you and your needs because you cannot do it on your own. That extra push of encouragement can be the difference of failure and success, if you utilize it properly. You are not asking for a handout; however, you are requesting a “handup”.

How does having the right support circle in place get you out of the “depression rut” or “stuckdom”? Well, first and foremost, it demonstrates to you that you are seen. Someone sees you and you are not alone. Knowing that you are not alone in this dark space because someone cares or because you become aware that others are experiencing it as well, may help you to see that there is sunshine peeking behind the dark clouds.

It’s okay to ask for help. You are not God with all the answers; but, you are a human who falls and deserves grace in the midst of the storms. Trying to do it all on your own when help is available is never the answer and can add to the severity of the situation(s). Sometimes that plate that you have designed for order in your life becomes so complex that you’re no longer aware of what’s on it. All those areas of your life become overwhelming and overlooked; therefore, here you are in the throes of “stuckdom” .

Gone are the days when men and women are seen as being weak because they can’t handle the stressors of life. Therapy has become more and more accepted without all of the taboo associated with it. Without even giving you the statistics on it, I am aware just by the ongoing influx of inquiries that I receive as well as my colleagues. The world is reaching out for help and the mental health profession is busier than ever assisting our brothers and sisters on this journey of life.

You may not need a therapist and that is just fine, but you do need a support circle. You can not do this life alone without anyone in your corner. We’re relational beings and need those connections. There are so many stress-related illnesses that could be prevented if a plan of action, which emphasizes hope is implemented. This is not a one size fits all solution, but certain components could be the start for everyone in need.

  1. Get your support circle in check. Clean it up regularly and know that you are in control of who is a part of your life. If the relationship is not mutually beneficial or symbiotic- cut it. It’s toxic. Add and delete to it accordingly.
  2. Self-care is vital. Find what works for you to restore your peace and get to your center. Whatever that looks like for you is perfectly fine, if it is healthy and brings fulfillment to you.
  3. Eat right and Exercise. These components are a part of self-care but are non-negotiable. Self-care techniques for everyone are subjective but exercise in some form and eating better are always objective. What you put into your body impacts your overall health including mental and emotional health.
  4. Focus on your spirituality. I know not everyone is spiritual or religious and if that does not apply to you- do you- however, everyone else strive to have a more spiritual connection with God and pray. Whatever that looks like for you- elevate on this level. You will be surprised how much it helps.
  5. Count your blessings. There is always so much to be grateful for even when you are going through it. Focus on what’s going right and be appreciative. Start your morning with gratitude by being thankful and prayerful.
  6. Set a simple goal for yourself. Nothing big. Something measurable that you can achieve and once you achieve it, set the next one, and so forth. One day at a time will get you moving towards the light and further away from the “stuckness” or funk you’re in.
  7. Take a break from social media. Social media is draining and depressing for many. There are so many images that are seen as ideal, but they are unrealistic. Everyone goes through problems- even the influencer and celebrity that make life look easy. If you redirect that same amount of time you use daily scrolling on social media to work on yourself- you’d achieve many goals for yourself.
  8. Stop telling everybody what you’re doing. Everyone is not happy for you. Even family or long term “friends”. Sometimes when people do not get the support they desire, they stop striving towards their goals. Move in silence.
  9. If you did it before- you can do it again. That’s right. Remember those times when you didn’t feel like this and had more hope? It can return. You are “going through” something- which means you can and will come out on the other side of it.
  10. You are either in a storm, coming out of a storm, or going into another storm. Life “lifes”. We can’t control many things that happen, but we can control how we react to them. Remember your circumstances do not define your character. They are not you, so practice steps 1-9 above, in order to not be a victim of your circumstances.

I wish you relief and restored hope for your life because you deserve to move past whatever is impeding your progress.

Love and Light,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

DESPITE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES: A Guide to Achieving your Goals

First self-help book can be pre-ordered 8/2023. Book release date 9/18/2023. Order your copy soon via link to be posted in a few weeks. Stay tuned and Blessings to you! -CJ

CJ Madry, LPC, CMFT, NCC, authors Despite Your Circumstances: A Guide to Achieving Your Goals , the first of a collection of self-help books designed to help individuals stay on target in life by tackling each challenge as it arises. The book consists of nine chapters that help gain further insight of who we are and teaches how to embrace ourselves wholly to attempt and finally reach our individual goals. All are encouraged to purchase a copy and utilize the insight as a reference material between sessions and otherwise. Every level can benefit from proper goal-setting techniques and a pick-me-up when life becomes a bit overwhelming to handle. Click the link (coming soon) to purchase.

Spring Cleaning

Hello there! 👋 I wanted to write a quick blog to provide some food for thought as you navigate through the change in seasons. This change in seasons that I am referring to can be figurative or literal and should be applied accordingly. For instance, those who may be experiencing a season of change within their lives will identify on that level and those who are actually spring cleaning their physical spaces will interpret it that way. Whatever that works for you 🤷🏾‍♀️- just as long as you do the work required.

For me, it is always both. I look forward ➡️ to a new season of intentional change and preparation for the next. 🏖 I think it is ideal to live in the moment, yet imperative to prepare for what’s to come. We should always be working towards personal goals for our lives and maintain a positive outlook reflective of our best life, that’s just around the bin. So, I say out with the old that is not beneficial to this best version of you that’s forming. ⬆️

The saying “cleanliness is next to godliness” comes to mind in a season of cleaning. 🧹 Cleaning what we may not have had time for during the prior seasons and putting off what should have been done prior to it getting to this level. Those obscure baseboards, dusty blinds, neglected tile grout, overstuffed closets, and garages that serve as a catchall will finally get an overhaul in your homes. 😃 🏡 All that energy that you’ve mustered up to get your home in once again annual tip-top shape need to be applied and correlated where it fits in your life. 🗓

Do you need to move on from a toxic relationship? How about making a decision on remaining in a dead end job or incurring further debt by returning to school to finish that nursing program that you’ve dreamed of your whole life? 💭 👩‍⚕️ What about picking up the phone and finally starting individual or marriage counseling because you know you unquestionably need it? ☎️ Whatever that is needed in your life can be worked through and accepted for the purpose of pushing ahead; therefore, having a season to do it in is the prime time to move. 🏃‍♂️ 💨 Let’s go- you can do this because as I tell you almost everyday on my social media pages- you are worthy. 💪

Sometimes I like to create an acronym to help these little nuggets of wisdom seep in to your psyche- so here you are kings and queens: 🤴 👸

S- is for Sound Mind. Always make sure the decisions that you are making are with a clear, sound mind. Do not react on emotion.

P- Process it through. As you are making these clear, intentional decisions for your life- process it from A-Z in order to alleviate any doubts.

R- is for Remember. If you decide to renege on the decisions for your change, remember why you wanted to make these changes in the first place in order to gain the strength to follow through.

I- is for Intentional. Jump in with intent on achieving this better version of your life. Intent demonstrates that you are sure and firm on your stance.

N-is for New. Anything new can take time to get used to, but that’s ok because eventually you settle right on into it just like the last new scenario or change that you made for your life. Trust the process.

G- is for Go. There’s no better time than now to go after something for yourself that is going to help you gain a new sense of being for your life.

🗣 There you have it. I wish you all a bleach-filled, 🧼 crisp morning air, 🌬 sun soaked ☀️ cleaning for this season of change in your lives.

Sending you 💕 and 💡,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Still Pushing…

Hello 👋 there! I did not intend to sit down at my computer 💻 to write anything, but now I understand why I was led over here to open it. It whispered my name, so I obliged. I’m currently pursuing an exciting new venture with my family (coming soon…stay tuned!) and it has most of my extracurricular time. ⏰ I realized in this very moment that I have neglected my blog page 🤦🏾‍♀️. Well, that’s not good since it’s an expense. I told myself, either use it or turn it off and since I have been given so many beautiful gifts 🎁 , the one to help others is still one of my favorites. So, here I am. 🙋🏾‍♀️

I will intentionally try to utilize this page more often while treating it as a journaling site. 🖊 📖 I will post a little more often, as I did when I started 2 years ago, 🗓 but it will be different. As situations manifest, or thoughts 💭 related to mental health topics enter this steadily moving brain, 🧠 I will share them with you. They may not be as long as the prior posts, but they will always be food for thought 🤔 to take with you until the next blog.

Today, I want to discuss going all in after your goals. 🥊 Yes, we are in the third month of 2022 and I am sure many of you have made goals for the year. I always advise not to singularly make them for the new year, but to always have a multi-tiered goal in focus that you are currently seeking. It makes it more feasible to achieve your targets. 🎯 Goals should present the same way as the storms ⛈ that invade our lives: you are either in a storm, coming out of a storm, or getting ready to go into a storm. 🤷🏾‍♀️ This is the exact way that your goals should work. One is always being pursued. You will achieve your best life by perpetually working on you. 👊🏾 As soon as you’ve accomplished one: proceed to the next. ➡️

The days may become overpowering and at times too difficult to bear, but you’re still standing. 🚶‍♀️ That means hope is alive and your purpose can still be fulfilled. Instead of chastising yourself for the mistakes you’ve made along the way, hone in on what you’ve done right and do more of it. 🏋️‍♀️ Keep the circle ⭕️ close-knit and closed tightly with only supportive individuals. Anything else can impact your peace ☮️ substantially, and remember-that’s too expensive for anyone to afford. 🗣 If you’ve taken nothing else from me from this blog today and all of my prior blogs, remember to always protect your PEACE. It’s priceless. 💎

Every time you start to break, 💔 I want you to think about all of the times that you could have shattered; however, still came out on top. 🥇 Not only are you a victorious warrior, you are worthy. 💪 Ok, that’s what I wanted to share with you in the 7 minutes that I took for this blog. It’s short and simplistic, but I hope you receive a nugget of wisdom from it.

Until the next time that I pass by and Mac whispers my name. 😂 🚶 💨

Sending you 💕 and 💡,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

LEAP into the Best Version of You

Hey guys! ? I know it’s been a long minute! I have been super busy ? like so many of you and sometimes there are not enough hours ⏰ in the day to get it all done. This topic came to me after plowing along in my upcoming book. It may be a chapter that I add, but if not, it is worth passing along to you. I’m not going to keep you that long, but I love sharing nuggets of wisdom when they come to me. ?

What does leaping ? ? into the best version of yourself mean? Well, I want to give you a quick acronym of how to leap right now into the best version of yourself. Yes, right now. ? You should be aware of how much I speak of loving yourself and not ever comparing or competing with anyone else. ? With so many challenges happening in everyone’s life, I know the benefits of consistently working on self. ?

? So, let’s get right to it. Remember this simple acronym while you continue to navigate this unpredictable journey of life. Apply the affirmations daily to conquer being the best you that you can be. It only takes about three weeks to form a new habit and 90 days to make it a perpetual lifestyle change. ?

L- Lean on God through ALL of your good and bad times. The power of prayer sustains us through it all, no matter what we are enduring. In great times, seek Him and praise Him ?? and in the dark times, seek Him and praise Him. ?? Always stay prayed up and build your relationship with God. ??

E- Expect the Unexpected. Beyond your greatest expectations, God can and will deliver. We can dream, but we cannot dream bigger than what God has for us. Sometimes, doors close or a window does not budge but that does not mean that the trajectory that we’ve set for our life is out of reach. Let God’s plan intervene at all times and pray for His will to be done. Sometimes, His plan aligns with our plan, but when it doesn’t, know that His is greater.

A- Accept Yourself. Acceptance includes coming to terms with all of you. The good, bad and ugly may be difficult to relive at times; however, it is YOU. You are unique and entitled to be imperfect because human beings are fallible. No, I am not giving you permission to continue to knowingly embark on erroneous choices and actions; nevertheless, I am instructing you on forgiving yourself for your past transgressions because you are not your circumstances. Be kind to yourself. ?

P- Protect Your Peace- If you follow me on social media or you’re a client, you know this extremely well. ? I LIVE for peace and I want that for you too. Free yourself from all negativity and toxicity in your life. This is one aspect of your life that you can control. You are in control of who you let into your life and allow to remain there. You are in control of your psychosocial stressors and if you feel that you are not- it is time to alleviate them through self-care or professional help.

There you have it. ? This only took me approximately 10 minutes to outline for you because that’s about all I had as far as time. ? ? One of my many gifts(praise God??) is to share nuggets of wisdom ? with others to improve your life’s journey, and assist you in becoming the best YOU that you can be. Nothing more, nothing less.

Take care and don’t forget to LEAP ?‍♀️ ? into the best YOU that you can be!

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

The Beauty of Forgiveness

Hey Beautiful People! ? I know it’s been a minute since you’ve heard from me, but I’m dropping in to give you a little nugget of wisdom to assist you on this journey of life. The topic of forgiveness can be as broad as the days are long, but it can also be as simplistic as the years are short. Let that sink in. ? I choose to make it simple and generalized because an overall understanding of forgiveness can apply to every situation that we will ever face in our lives.

There are levels to the challenges that we encounter in our lives and forgiving someone for what might be considered a minor infraction is easier than an atrocious action against us that can change our lives forever. I’m not saying that forgiveness is effortless. In fact, it’s an arduous process, especially when it is an event that has pierced your heart ? . Your heart is not affected unless your heart was in it, which is why forgiveness of an insignificant transgression may come easier to absolve the mistakes of others. For example, you meet someone in the grocery store who you seem to click with. This person is easy on the eyes ? , very articulate, and even has the same Vegan products in the basket as you! ?? You walk out to the parking lot together and engage in flattering conversation for over an hour. You never do this, but you give this person your number and you’re super excited to begin a friendship or whatever it turns into. You’re hopeful that your prayers have been answered for a new healthy relationship and you wait on that call. Days have passed and still no call. ?

Do you carry the pain and angst of this stranger that you engaged with for a short period of time? Or do you shrug it off ??‍♀️ and move forward because you realize it is what it is, and the right person for you is still out there? I hope it is the latter because since your heart ❤️wasn’t in it, you should be able to bounce back from these types of encounters. Yes, you had stomach butterflies ? , but you understand the difference. This is an example of forgiveness. The person evoked emotions in you and then didn’t follow through on their statements, but you didn’t fully invest your time and heart, so you are able to forgive this stranger and move forward with your life. No harm no foul. ?

Ok CJ, that’s all fine and dandy for something like that but what about the big disappointments of our lives and those who hurt us the most who claim to love us? ??‍♀️ Or someone who sets out to sabotage us intentionally? ? Or someone who we may not know takes something precious from us? ? Betrayal? The list goes on and on with life-changing situations that test your ability to forgive. Try to digest what I am saying to comprehend the power of forgiveness for whatever it is that is occurring or has happened in your life that impedes on your sense of peace . The pain that you are enduring behind the actions of another can be unbearable. It takes will and outright strength to face the problem. You may not be in a place to stand firm in that moment and feel helplessly defeated. ? Does that mean you will remain there? Possibly, if you do not come out of that place of loss. Getting back to you and restoring peace (and eventually joy) that you once had is the goal to moving forward.

Understanding that your peace is being held hostage by the person who hurt your heart ❤️ can invoke you into action to gain it back. Ask yourself why that person deserves to have that much power over you? ? Haven’t they taken enough of your heart, time and energy? Why give them anymore? ??‍♀️ Your self-worth is being activated when you receive the message that you can regain control over your life. Forgiveness brings you solace and an overall sense of peace, pertaining to that situation or person and allows you to move forward and refocus your life. Triggers are out there that may obstruct your thoughts, ? but being cognizant of these reminders can place you right back on the path to healing. ? You deserve to heal from all of the intentional and unintentional hurt from others. The overall benefits of forgiveness (peace, joy, moving forward) outweigh holding onto the grudges that keep us stuck in the same headspace.

When you look back on your life can you honestly tell yourself that you haven’t contributed to someone else’s pain? ? Have you always been an upstanding person who did the right thing concerning others? Of course not. ? The intent may have not been ill-willed, but sometimes we cannot prevent hurting others. The same way that you may desire their forgiveness is the same way that they may desire your forgiveness for inflicting discord.

Let’s go one step further. Every situation may not provide us with closure from the person(s) who caused the dissonance. This is the biggest test of our forgiveness because it’s all internal and doesn’t involve a catalyst to express what may be needed to get to the other side of the situation. Closure comes from within and requires intrinsic cleansing to restore the peace ☮️ that I have been talking about. Every person who wrongs you is not sorry, but the forgiveness that you extend releases that power that the person has over you. You regain your power ? and make them powerless over you.

Living your best life involves battling the hardships that are out of our control but remaining in the fight. ? Life comes full circle ⭕️ for us all and although you may be in a painful state today, you have the power to be victorious over your life. Take the necessary steps to get through the storms, ⛈ and know that patiently waiting on the other side of that struggle is your inner peace and the rest of your life to propel you into moving forward. ? ?‍♀️

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

Sending you ? and ? ,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Humility Vs. Autonomy

Hello Beautiful Folks! I wanted to drop in for a quick discussion on a topic that many may be enduring at this point, but not aware of it. As a professional in my field, it is iteratively demonstrated that our common patients/clients are the leaders in the family. The individual in the family who typically holds it all together ⭕️ for everyone else is usually our “identified patient”. In fact, that responsible person seeks help for themselves and also for others in the family. They are highly accustomed to leading and ensuring that life is systematically flowing for all involved; therefore, it is difficult to accept help when life throws them curveballs. Sigh. I’m guilty as well! ??‍♀️

Think back to the last time that you were sick. ? I’m speaking of either the broken down, head spinning, fever escalating, body aching, unable to get out of the bed sick or mentally exhausted sick. ? ? Were you like many other leaders of their households who treated it as another common cold and still kept going or did you listen to your body and allow your support system to take care of you and the day to day necessities? Unfortunately, many of us feel that no one can perform as well as we do. ??‍♀️ We’re quick to condemn another’s lack of drive to work at our individual pace or to effectively complete something as we normally would, such as i.e., housework, rearing kids, paying bills, acknowledging families’ birthdays on both sides,(?) and so forth.

Let’s delve into this a little more. ? On one hand, your support circle isn’t capable of being as competent as you are in maintaining order in your lives; however, on the other hand, you desire them to assist more. So, what is it? Do you want the effort or not? Sure, you’re phenomenal with organizing the kids’ schedules and homework assistance, and you even meal plan every Saturday for the upcoming week. Your spouse or another loved one takes heed that you need help and decides to step in. Ok, he doesn’t season the chicken like you nor does he mop the floor after sweeping it as you do nightly, but can we agree on the fact that he tried? Do you really have to defy your body’s physical or mental needs, and re-clean ? ? the kitchen? Is it that serious? As a true leader, we have to evaluate what message that sends to our support system., who’s attempting to be there for you as you are always there for them.

I have yet to meet someone who would want to continue assisting others realizing that whatever they attempt is not good enough. ? Your support circle is meant for you to lean on when you need them emotionally, physically, or mentally. That does not mean that they have to be at the level that you are with delivering it. Essentially, you are you and they are them. We all have attributes, remember that. ?

Being appreciative of your spouse or other loved one who stepped up and took over the duties to the best of their abilities demonstrates humility. ? Your autonomy and leadership abilities are still intact, but you’ve shown how much of a leader that you truly are by extending graciousness to someone else. ? Maybe you will learn to lighten up a little more and understand that there’s more than one way to complete a job. Additionally, you may learn that your humility uplifts someone’s insecurities, which unquestionably benefits the both of you. ?

Here’s to a happier life and a lighter schedule! ?

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Planning Doesn’t Always Equal Perfection

Hey good people! ? It’s hard to believe that we are already one month into 2021. ? Whew…slow down time. ? I get many requests behind the scenes for upcoming topics or just requests of when to expect the next blog. Although I’m a busy family woman and professional, I tend to stay in planning mode and organizing my personal and professional lives. I’m certain that many of you can relate because your lives are consumed with day to day responsibilities and overwhelmed with the unplanned obstacles. ?‍♀️

I tend to instruct all of my clients to set goals and attempt them in a manner in which they will get completed. The SMART Goal technique is a great way to learn how to set reasonable goals and to achieve them. (S- Specific, M-Measurable, A-Achievable, R-Relevant and T-Timely). I try to apply ✏️ this method in order to continue elevating in all aspects of my life. Has it always worked? Most of the time it truly has, but every now and then, no matter what is planned concerning certain scenarios, it fails. Let’s take a look at this, so that we can get you out of your debilitating funk and back on track to try again. ?

Every dream ☁️ that we have for our lives is not for our lives. We can plan all day until we’ve allowed it to dictate our every move, but if it’s not in the cards, it’s not going to happen. ? There’s a trajectory that is planned for our lives. Sometimes it just so happens to align with the dreams or plans that we have, and other times it will never fit. ? NEVER. Even though your life may not turn out the way that you planned, it does not mean that it will not improve. What you desire can be just a small fragment of what has been outlined for your planned course. This is why it is imperative to never throw in the towel- ever.

The career path ??‍? that you dreamed of and couldn’t seem to pass the licensing exam is not the end all. The marriage that ended in divorce ? that you thought would last forever was most likely a temporary reprieve until your soul mate appeared. From the first chagrin ? until the present, it’s time to return to the drawing board and discover your purpose. Hone in on your gifts ? and perform so much introspection that you learn your true identity from inside out! If you’re a Christian, like me, go into prayer ? and/or fast until God reveals the path to climb. If you’re spiritual in any way, focus on meditating to get to the answers. Whatever your stance is to get to your inner truth, do it(in a responsible manner without harming self). You deserve to be on the right path ?‍♀️ for your life. It’s such a beautiful, fulfilling journey when you know that you are moving forward and ascending to higher heights and exceedingly profound to ennoble to your destined life. ??

Once you know where you’re headed and you feel comfortable propelling forward, will it be easy? ??‍♀️ At times, it will be. Other times will bring challenges, but you will be prepared for them because you KNOW that you are on YOUR right path. You will always have to check in with yourself and your spiritual connection to remain metaphysically intact; however, it will invariably be worth it because living YOUR BEST LIFE is always invaluable. ??

I’ve learned so much in my life about varied things and will forever be a life-long learner. One of the most important ideals that I take with me daily is that what is for me is for me. ?? No one can take that. ??‍♀️ No one. I hope that you understand that as well. What God has created for you is yours and you deserve to live that purpose-driven life. One of my favorite books, (you know I have many), is The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here for by Rick Warren. He states that “you cannot fulfill God’s purposes for your life while focusing on your own plans”. To reiterate one final time, ? once you become spiritually aligned, you will understand what your purpose is to properly pursue it on every level.

I hope you received a little nugget of knowledge to assist you in 2021 ? from this blog. It was on my ❤️ heart to help those of you who continue to question why everything keeps falling apart in your lives, even though you’re doing the work to enhance your existence. I want you to work ? diligently on altering that mindset and try something different this year, in order to finally achieve your purpose-driven life.

I wish you so much elevation in your personal and professional lives this year and continue to root ? for you all!

Reference: Warren, Rick. (2002). The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here for?

Sending You ? and ?,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Happy Holidays to you and yours! I pray ? it’s as peaceful as can be, in spite of whatever challenges that you or your loved ? ones may be experiencing. It’s the end of 2020 and I wanted to end my final 2020 blog on a hopeful note. Typically, I choose a topic in which I help you on your journey to successfully navigate your life. I want you to receive HOPE from this final blog of the year. I don’t know what you all are enduring in your lives, but I am privy to some of your challenges because you share them. My hope is that if you didn’t take anything from all of my blogs from 2020, that you gain productive insight ? from this one and conclude that ? YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

This holiday season ? may look very different for you. In fact, if you’re like everybody that I know, either you or someone that you care about has been affected negatively this year. Even if you are in the minority of most people around the world, who has not been directly or indirectly impacted, you’ve seen the devastation of so many and empathize fully. ?

I want you to stop ✋ and look back on the entire year wholly to get a fair assessment of where you can be in your mindset right now. Through all of the losses, heartaches, and despairing moments, can you see any “good” that has happened? Any? For example, no matter how calamitous the event(s) was for you, were you able to come out on the other side of it? You may not think you’re on the other side of it yet, but even if you’re not officially there, you are on your way because you’re here and you’re reading ? this blog. The start of healing begins when you come to acceptance and continue to move forward in your life. ➡️ You may tell me that you are not able to roll out of bed ? most mornings or that you’re operating on autopilot to get through your day, but I’m here to let you know- that’s a start. You may be down in spirits right now, unable to commit to a daily regimen; however, you picked up your phone or other device, and are now focused on your peace of mind and mental health. Kudos to you! ?

You are allowed to wallow in grief and feel defeated for as long as you need, but as soon as that one spark ⚡️ presents itself, you are required, to stand up and put one foot ? in front of the other and break free ⛓ from that chapter in your life. Yes, it’s mandatory. Each day is a new day to count your blessings. You may not be where you want to be, but each day that you’re given is a new day to strive for it. ? Whatever it takes to get to that advancement stage, including self-motivation or the motivation from others, utilize it to get moving. ?‍♀️ ?

I’m not oblivious to the pains that you may be experiencing and never want to appear desensitized from heartbreak. ? You may be grieving from the loss of a loved one, and if so, I send you my sincerest condolences. ? I want you to understand that you are still alive; you are here for a reason. Relish in the memories as often as they come and appreciate the time that you had with them. Grieve as much as you need and don’t ever let anyone tell you when to stop grieving. Understand this, your loved ones would not want you to give up on life because they are no longer here, so honor them by living on and elevating your life. ⬆️

Sometimes in our most difficult seasons of life, greatness develops! ?? Redirecting that drained energy into positive movement may very well catapult you into your destination of prominence. ?? There will always be bumps in the road of life that throw us off track for what we have planned for our lives; however, getting back in the saddle demonstrates that we’re hopeful and worthy of our achievements. ??

2020 has tested our faith in ways that no one could have ever imagined, but if you’re coming out of this year without any type of uplifted change to yourself, you possibly did not take advantage to gain introspect and move differently. ? Maybe your drive was lacking because 2020 robbed you of it, and you were unable to overcome through the unexpected challenges. Wherever you fall on the spectrum of navigating this year, congratulations are in order, because you are still here, and granted another beautiful day ☀️ to aspire for better.

Happy Holidays ? ? to You and Your Families! It may not be traditional as you’ve always known it, but to reiterate one final time, ? you’re here and hopefully that’s enough to help restore your center of peace ☮️ and hope for a better life in the upcoming 2021 year. I hope to chat with you in the new year and that 2021 holds so much hope for you to achieve your dreams and aspirations.

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Delusion Vs. Reality

Hey good people! In taking a break from my book ? writing, I decided I needed to write a quick blog for my readers ? . I typically get my ideas ? from current happenings, suggestions from acquaintances, or expanded topics from prior blogs. So our topic today is: ? Delusions. As a licensed psychotherapist, I could discuss this topic in the clinical sense, after all, Delusional Disorder is a serious mental disorder, but I am going to speak in reference to the layman’s term of “delusion”. I do not want to use my Blogsite as a diagnosis site, so in the event that you feel you or a loved one fits the criteria for significant challenges with struggles of delusional beliefs, please seek therapeutic help ☎️ to assist.

Now, that we’ve established that we are speaking about delusions in everyday terms, what makes your psyche believe in an altered reality even though the truth is present? I think we tend to want what we want, in spite of what may be achievable. Now, I realize that I typically tell you to go after all of your dreams ☁️ , set goals for yourself, and stay in the fight ? . I still wholeheartedly believe in all of those valuable nuggets of wisdom. ? Where the breakdown happens is when we have attempted time after time for something that is unrealistic and continue to receive disappointment. For example, people ? ? go through seasonal relationships, but refuse to accept when they are over. A false sense of it not being over is what leads them into continued heartbreak. ? If it’s over, it’s over. ✅ There comes a time to accept the end of something and moving on with your life. Stop the madness, cut the imaginary strings in your head and take your life back. You are worthy of so much more than rejection, but you choose to remain in a delusional place and not concede.

At this point, are you the one to blame for your distorted reality? For the most part, yes. You give the other person the power to continue to reject you, after they’ve shown you many times that they have moved on and now you must do the same to retain your peace ☮️ and sanity. Another example is expecting something to happen when it’s hurting someone else to get it. God ? blesses us, but always know that He will not bless you with someone else’s blessings. If it’s meant for you, you will have it and if you try to destroy someone else’s happiness to get it, it will not ever last because it was never yours. Go ?? get YOUR own blessings.

Additionally, sometimes things are expected from doing absolutely zero ??‍♀️ work to get it. Effort, will, and determination have to be put forth to gain elevation. ⬆️ Whether it’s an opportunity, relationship, adventure or whatever that you’re attempting, it has to be attainable and yours for the taking. To reiterate, you are worthy, but only if it’s meant for you. So, how do you know if it’s delusional or attainable when you’re breaking down the happenings in your life? Here are a few tips to determine if it’s delusional in thought:

  1. Have you been seeking something for a period of time that doesn’t seem to ever come to fruition, after exerting much effort?
  2. Are you halting your life waiting on this event or relationship to happen? Obsessing?
  3. Do you feel rejected while waiting for it to happen?
  4. Have you received signs or communication that what you are seeking is not ever going to happen?
  5. Do the people in your support circle advise you to move on from this and focus on something or someone else?
  6. Are you feeling low and miserable within yourself as you hone in on this situation?
  7. Does it constantly impact your peace of mind?
  8. Does it affect your ability to focus on something else?
  9. Are you rationalizing and telling yourself falsehoods, such as I know they care about me and will come around, even though there is no hope from the other party(ies)?
  10. Are you pretending to be happy around others while waiting on this “dream” to happen, yet within, you are silently crumbling?

It’s important to always be true to ourselves and accept our truths. Lying ? to self just to make yourself feel better is always a start to further deterioration internally. If you cannot be transparent with anyone else, it must be with your own self. You deserve to know yourself inward and outward wholly, and to maintain regular self-check ups to ensure that your peace ☮️ is intact.

This blogpost seemed thoroughly ideal with everything that is going on post election ? 2020. As I expressed above ⬆️ , if you or anyone that you know is at a level of distorted reality that is impacting ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living), please consider seeking a licensed therapist ?‍⚕️ in your area to start the process of therapeutic care ? .

**This blogpost is not meant to cure, diagnose, or treat any clinical diagnoses such as Delusional Disorder. Becoming a client or patient and undergoing treatment is necessary for such care, if deemed appropriate.

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Living Out Loud

Hey beautiful folks! I received quite a bit of feedback in reference to my last post on fulfilling your goals. Within the post, I harbored on living out loud and because of this, I decided to extend the discussion. What does living out loud actually mean? I guess it can be interpreted based on individual preference, but I am going to just summarize the topic to living your best life. I’m sure we’ve all heard that saying and several know the hit song describing that nugget of wisdom: “Living My Best Life” by Lil Duval. Some of the lyrics are racy ? , but overall the gist of the song ? is ideal for being the best you.

As I write this, I realize today is World Mental Health Day, ? and what better day to implement the importance of focusing on self than today. I believe that it is never too late to understand and digest the model of self-care. ? Once we determine that we have to prioritize our needs, our inner being has shifted. ⬅️ ➡️ In fact, it shifts so much that it reconciles with your outer image. To have your inner and outer being harmonize as one entity allows for the perfect balance that represents you. ?‍♀️ Every particle within is now reflecting outward and showcases the essence of You. It displays a congruent being who is synchronized and healthy. ? You are living in peace ☮️ and comfortable in your skin. You know yourself inside and out and you continue to learn yourself inside and outward to remain in control of your overall being. Yes- it’s a purpose-filled existence and you deserve all of the accolades for living your life wholly.

Your life will always be that- your life. People will talk, speculate, judge and well, just be the hypocritical people that they are. What does that have to do with you? What makes people actually care about what others think, ? to the level of restricting your life? I’ve pondered this stalemate and came to the conclusion that people want to appear top-notch in others’ eyes. They want to appear “normal” and “common” and have the ability to “blend-in”. So, society says a certain image is wholesome and upheld while another one is wicked and gossip-worthy. What say you? Does living that ideal make you happy? ? Does it make you feel that you are living this once in a lifetime experience, called LIFE, to the ultimate degree? Do you feel constrained? Are you holding back to distort the image based on what is viewed acceptable? If you can answer those questions honestly and attest that you are happy- ? go forth and continue this said path. For those of you who desire more and know you need more: ? LIVE OUT LOUD.

There is only one ☝️ you. There may be many who share similarities, but they can never ? be you. You are a beautiful creature who God created in His image and who He continues to mold to become a better you. He works in and through us to help others to achieve their betterment. By living out loud and engaging in what makes you unique, you are manifesting to others the gift of being an individual! You become an inspiration and walk in the message ? that it can be done. ✅ You show the world ? that you give zero cares to what others think of you and that whatever they think of you is their problem: not yours. ?‍♀️ You are worthy to live how loud or quiet you desire. If the legality is intact along with moral consciousness, you are free to live freely and go for it. Remember, we get one life so build your inner consciousness to start the journey of LIVING OUT LOUD!

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Goal-Setting

Hey there! There’s an importance of setting and obtaining goals in every facet of your life. I know that many people automatically think of careers when goal-setting is broached. Well, that is only one aspect and should be a topic implemented regularly to ensure that you are not only living your best life, but also attempting it. It does not have to be such a hardship that brings anxiety based on the work that presupposes it. Anything worth having is worth working hard for, right? ? So, let’s go. ?‍♀️

What do you want to achieve? Are you content with where you are or do you look at your life and feel unfulfilled with a desire to procure something more? I hear people saying “goals” in response to other people’s lives. As a therapist, I ponder ? what the respondent is actually thinking ? at the time when they state that word in reference to an image. Is that actually a goal that they truly have or is it something that is stated because it looks aesthetically pleasing? It’s easy to desire what others have and attempt to fulfill that level of success and call it a goal. ?‍♀️ However, let’s not forget that success is always going to be subjective. What’s considered successful to one may not weigh the same to someone else. Success does not always equal monetary ? gain. For some, that is a huge part of it, but there is so much more. For those individuals who look at “successful marriages” and state “goals” referring to the outside image the couple portrays, fail to recognize everything that glitters is not gold ? and it is also subjective.

Society shapes our worldview and ideals of what is acceptable and worthy of achieving. How would this idea look to you if you took the time to truly travel within yourself to discover what your individual goals are? The thought of actually formulating your own path ?‍♀️ and disregarding what others expect or think not only sets you apart from the masses, but also makes you a trailblazer! ? You’re really in a category of a select few when you live life out loud with your own rules and goals. How do I develop this mindset? ? That part is actually easy. Take the time to get to know who you truly are and once you achieve that level of assuredness, live unapologetically as YOU.

Where do I start?

You start with introspection. There’s always internal work ? to be done. After continued self-exploration, you will determine that some of the goals that you desire may need an enhancement. Others may need to be removed completely and innovative ones should sprout in their place. Whatever the goal, whether it’s professional or personal, can be attained if the effort is asserted. ? I always tell my clients the importance of setting mini-goals with rewarding yourself along the way. It can be extremely overwhelming to your psyche to just list a massive goal, such as “start a new career”. That goal in itself has to be broken down into mini-achievements to keep you pushing forward to getting there. There will be multiple steps or mini-goals that have to be achieved before you get there, i.e., research programs, apply for acceptance, register for certification class, take national exam, complete internship, just to name a few examples. After you have listed all of the steps to get there, check them off as you complete them and have a small personal celebration each time to keep your spirits and mojo positive. You are your number one cheerleader-? ENCOURAGE SELF!

Once the goals are fulfilled, ✅ you fully understand the importance of living out loud and remaining unapologetically you. ? You’ve worked diligently to set and achieve your goals and no one can take those accomplishments from you. NO ONE. Incontinently, you come into yourself, further adapting to the ideals that your goals, your life, your existence is all YOU. You owe no one an explanation of being YOU. Society is ever-changing, but you are also who you are and allowed to be as fluid as you like, without a thought to who likes it or not. ?‍♀️ It’s YOUR life. You only get one! ☝️ ? So, LIVE IT, SET YOUR OWN GOALS, and ACHIEVE THEM!

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Connections

Hi there! I’ve received quite a few messages inquiring about my weekly blog, and at this point, my time only permits a blog biweekly, so check for it every two weeks! I usually decide what I am going to blog about based on what I gain from others over the week. This time, I was compelled based on a meme that applies to so many people. It states: May I please never get attached to a heart ♥️ that isn’t meant to be mine. These words speak so many different lessons for varied situations and can truly apply to any of us.

I think most people would look at that phrase and automatically think of forbidden love. ? I cannot say that I did not think the same, and I will discuss that later as well, but it refers to any type of soul tie that people can become entangled in. Soul ties can refer to spiritual, emotional or physical connections between two people. ? ? They can be marriage, wedding ? business, physical intimacy, and friendship. ? Either way, they can be difficult to break without the inner strength ? to do so. Unhealthy soul ties can include obsessing about a person, dreaming about them or waking up thinking about them regularly and also hearing ? their voice in your head. You may also imagine a life that you know will most likely never happen with this person. They usually form from co-dependency, idolatry of another person, abandonment issues with said person or others, and can be so detrimental to your being. It’s important to evaluate all of the relationships in your life to properly label them as healthy or unhealthy. ?

Those soul ties that form spiritually with your spouse or mate are a special gift from God and should be viewed as such. ? If the soul tie is healthy, you feel good ? about the connection and the feelings are reciprocated. You have a calming and peaceful existence with this person and if we are speaking in romantic terms, ? this is most likely your soul mate ? (for those romantics who believe in soul mates ? ). For business partners and friendships, peace is definitely present and there is a resounding connection that exists within the partnership and connection. Disagreements may happen, even in healthy connections, because you are two different individuals, however; you always return to a healthy state of existence with this person. NOURISH THAT BOND! It is indubitably worth it given the premise that humans thrive on relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Now, ? for any of your relationships that just should not be, or in some of your situations, never should have been, a soul tie is very unhealthy and can be deleterious to your being. ? As a therapist, yes, I’ve had clients who were on the giving and receiving ends of infidelity, resulting in soul ties. Some couples ? work through infidelity and some cannot get beyond it. ⬆️ Either way, there is zero judgment on this end, as a professional, but whatever decision is made can affect every partner negatively, if the predicament is not processed from beginning to end. For anyone in any type of circumstance like this, no matter your role, if the other person does not feel the same about you: ? MOVE ON! Unwind those thoughts, ? speak positive affirmations over your life, dismantle those unrealistic dreams with this person, and press forward. ➡️

You are worthy of more than that situation or relationship. It is time to stop wasting ? your precious time ? and move on to loving ? yourself and meeting someone who deserves you. One of my favorite quotes is: People come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. Identify if that relationship was a reason or season, take the lesson and move on ✌️. They did not feel the same way as you and that’s ok, you will meet someone who is worthy of you. CUT THAT UNHEALTHY SOUL TIE. Ask God to help you through prayer(if you are spiritual), and work on building your strength ? to get over your past. Always remember that you cannot make people feel the same way. Do not let some one keep showing you that they are no longer interested or treat you as you are less than your worth. Take back your thoughts, ? your dreams, your life.

Now, I am not saying that the person on the other end is not a good person because everyone makes mistakes and chooses unwisely from time to time. In fact, I will go out on a limb ? to say that they very well may be good-hearted individuals, as well. I just want you to know that they are not meant for you and that’s ok! ? Let them have a great life with whomever they choose and you do the same by moving on and showing your worth. You are worth having someone to solely love you the same way that you desire to love this unhealthy connection that you’ve formed. ? MOVE ON- keep your sanity and rediscover peace of mind, because I am sure that individual has that already, yet you’re showing him or her that you are not capable of doing the same. Take back your power and go forth in life and live your best life. ?

I know that all of my blogs will not apply to you faithful readers, but they apply to some of you, which is where I get my inspiration to write them. If this one doesn’t apply to you, maybe you have a friend, sibling or co-worker who needs help with understanding their worth and how to break unhealthy soul ties.

Sending you ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Controlling Your Emotions

So, as you’ve noticed throughout the weeks of listening to my words while reading my blogs, YOU MATTER. It truly doesn’t matter what the topic is that particular week because you now understand that I’m stressing the importance of your feelings and how to achieve being the best YOU. This week I relied on the help of important people in my life to narrow down what subject to discuss and here we are: Controlling Your Emotions. ? ? ?

In week 6, we discussed the ideal that “Your Feelings are Valid”. If you haven’t read it yet, go back and read it when you have time. ⏰ I stressed the importance of living in your truth and embracing your emotions, no matter what. You are entitled to embody what you are feeling through all of the highs and lows. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe that this is how we attain victory ? over every situation in our life. Going within yourself and resonating with these emotions help us to properly process the ordeals, in order to land ?‍♀️ on the other side of them. Now that we have a refresher on this topic, I am sure you are questioning why I want to discuss controlling your emotions because that seems condescending, right?

Newton said that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If we believe that, we understand the importance of reactions to stimuli around us. External stimuli evoke emotion within us and force ? us to confront rational as well as irrational beliefs. ? We may not immediately identify what is considered irrational or rational, but the mandatory task of “going within” or exploring our inner beings will aid in deciphering what is what. If you feel passionately about anything, including but not limited to i.e., situations, actions, subject matters, people, ? ? ? ? experiences, there is a reason for it. You are justified in this reaction in that moment; however, it is your responsibility to discover why. Maybe you’ve already processed this specific matter because you regularly perform self-checkups and if that applies, you’re on the right path to controlling your emotions.

Self-control and controlling your emotions work synonymously when encountering these known matters which produce reactions from you. Once you’ve mastered self-control, your emotions will remain intact and you’re able to suppress the moment, if warranted, until you decide that you’re ready to process them. That sounds mature, huh? ? Yes, it is and typically applies for most adults ?, but we all know that adults are placed in compromising situations that they never would fathom. If you gain new self-knowledge in that moment based on your reaction, it is an astute indicator of the need for additional self-reflection.

Let’s reiterate: ? NEVER suppress your feelings. They MATTER. It’s vital to process them after you’ve discovered that you are emotionally impacted by the specific issue. There’s a time and place for everything, including a time to express certain emotions such as anger, ? hurt, ? , disappointment, joy ? , and so forth. Just understand that when you have self-control mastered, you will be able to decipher, if this is one of those times or not. In the event that you lose control in that moment, introspection assists with conquering this feat.

There’s no competition with anyone other than with yourself. Each day ☀️ that you are granted is a gift ? of being a better you than you were the day before. All of the time that you willingly and unwillingly devote to every entity, but yourself, apportions a disservice to you. In a nutshell, ? you are capable of tackling ? your emotions through processing and self-observation, but NEVER ? downplay ? what you are feeling. It is the essential ? key to learning who you truly are, in order to live in your truth and most importantly, continuing to be THE BEST YOU!

Sending ? and ?,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Getting to Your Happy

Happiness starts and ends with you, right? Yes. ? It is impossible to expect someone to make you happy if you cannot even achieve this feat on your own. What is happiness though? So, google states “it is the state of being happy”. Further research informs ” it is the feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. It’s the opposite of sadness”. A few synonyms are: well-being, contentment, and joy. Well, that is a start to identifying what happiness is. However, I want to discuss getting to YOUR HAPPY because as we discuss every week, you are not me. ? You are beautiful, special YOU who deserves to achieve your happy! ?

As we continue to journey through life and further mature, we constantly evolve. ? ? ? ? Who I was at 21, is not the same woman that I was at 30, or 40 and now at age….well you get the picture ? ( I just had a beautiful, blessed birthday on Friday ? ?) . What constituted happy for me at 21 was what I needed at that stage in my life. If you’re like me and you have children and/or a spouse, at some point while you’re learning to navigate your life, you focus more on their happiness than your own. You condition yourself to believe that as long as my children, spouse, and grandchildren are happy, so am I. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with ensuring that your loved ones are happy and thriving in life. In fact, that ideal becomes prevalent, especially with children because we’re only as happy as our saddest child. Right? ? It’s impossible to be over the moon ? joyous when your nuclear family is suffering to a capacity of affecting their well-being. (remember above where Google said it was a synonym of happiness, so we’ll go with it ? ). As humans, all of that can definitely affect our overall mood and how we feel about life. Occasionally, it will spin us into bouts of depression and anxiety episodes. Does that mean that we are now considered an unhappy ? person and no longer capable of being happy, due to the challenges that are taking over our psyche? Let’s explore this a little more. ?

So, you’ve heard me say that my mantra is anything that impacts my peace is too expensive, right? ? Yes, CJ, yes. We get that. ? Well, if you’ve heard that a million times, you’ve also heard (if you’re a client or family) or seen me type on my social media pages (if you follow me- if you’re not, I’m appalled ? )that “YOU ARE NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES”. I must be more biased to that affirmation because I printed it on the back of my business cards! ♥️ Wow. They’re equally as important, because both principles relay to your inner-self that you are worthy of happiness in spite of what’s happening around you. Knowing who you are and living by that credo makes you that beautiful, special being that I declared you were when you began reading ? this blog. Look at you! YOU are everything and have enough within you to be happy. Once you discover what that is, not one human being or circumstance can ever remove YOUR HAPPY. Hence, happiness starts and ends with you. ?

You learn how to battle ? ? those outside stressors and as you are battling them, you label them as controllable or uncontrollable. From there, you are on an uphill adventure. It’s easier said than done ✅ , I get it; however, it is solely on you to work on strengthening how you react to external stimuli. These psychological, social and environmental stressors are beasts but within you is the power to defeat the long-term affects that could occur. You are a victor who can conquer YOUR HAPPY because, repeat after me: ? “I AM NOT MY CIRCUMSTANCES”. ” I DESERVE HAPPINESS”. “I AM WORTHY”. Making time for building your inner- self or your psyche is imperative to achieving your happiness. The same energy that you give to your children, ? , grandchildren, significant other, career, etc., is the same energy that has to be poured into YOU. We make time for the things that we want and we should always want the well-being (there’s that word again) of ourselves. ?

We don’t deserve just contentment….we deserve JOY. I wanted to use all three words since Google said so. ? I cannot tell you how to get to YOUR HAPPY. I just know that it takes a great deal of effort and commitment to your SELF. Discover you, exert yourself, get to YOUR HAPPY because it’s time ? . Now, on your mark, get set………………………………….. GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! ?‍♀️ ?

Sending ? and ? ,

CJ

 LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Picking Your Battles

How do we pick our battles? What constitutes a worthy battle to fight? If we choose to disengage from battle in something, does that mean the struggles we engage in are the correct choices to give our attention to? There are many interesting questions that I have thought about as I help people on this journey of learning discernment. Individuality is the answer to all of the questions above. Whatever you see fit to work through or fight for has to be worthy of your time and energy.

It seems easy to look ? from the outside at others and say how you would handle a situation. They could say the same for situations that you encounter, but unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. Everyone has an individualized life that is lived which creates a worldview in which they make decisions. Basically, it’s as simple as saying ” walk a mile in my shoes”. ? ? ? Until you have those life experiences and view life from that individual’s lens, you can not state a valid opinion of how scenarios can be handled. What appears to be so basic for many is not for so many others.

So how do you discern what to devote your precious time ⏰ to? Identify what is important to you. Is the situation impacting you to a level of dismantling your peace? Well, that’s a no-brainer. All of my clients, family and friends have heard my mantra more times than they can count- anything that impacts my peace is too expensive. Once peace becomes a part of your daily life, there’s no return to the nonsense on any level. You learn how to analyze ? every aspect of your life as a controllable or uncontrollable entity. You prioritize everything in the order that works for you and move forward. That’s it. Nothing more nothing less. Knowing which battles are worthy enough to take on and those that result in a dead end ⚠️ will help you to discern, every single time.

Here are 7 questions to ask yourself while you are learning to pick your battles:

  1. Is it important? Ask yourself is it really important enough to devote any time and energy towards it. If the answer is yes, proceed.
  2. Is it impacting important areas of your life such as lack of sleep, inability to focus or concentrate, or feel the best you? If the answer is no ? – move on, it’s definitely unworthy of you.
  3. Do you have the time and energy ? to take on this new situation? We make time for everything that we find dear to us, if this isn’t that for you-let it go. ✌️
  4. What will you gain from this battle? ? Is it the idea of saying you won it or is it really necessary to prove your validity with it? If you truly cannot answer what you gain from entering into this conflict- keep it moving.
  5. Is this even your battle to contend with? Sometimes we interject ourselves into other people’s problems that are not even ours. Not my dog, ? not my fight ? .
  6. Is your life under control enough for you to add anything else onto your plate ? of life? Sometimes we are over-consumed in our lives and need to learn how to deal with the challenges ? we are already presented with.
  7. Do you know your worth? ? You’re worthy enough to give yourself a choice every single time of whether to engage in something or not.

That’s just a start, but let’s chat ? about it. How do you pick your battles deciphering between what is worthy of your engagement and what is not?

Sending ? and ? ,

CJ

? LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Hurt People Hurt People

Yes, you’ve heard this phrase before. Is it true? Yes- it most definitely is. We need to deal with our hurts in order to heal ourselves and keep pushing towards a new day. In some cases, it is intentional to dish out the hurt so that others can endure what you are experiencing; however, in many cases, it is not even known that it has come to that level of expression. It can be a defense mechanism to help get through moments of grief, such as a quick, harsh lashing out at others, but after that, then what? Do you feel better temporarily, only for it to return and then on that same destructive path to delve out additional hurt ? ? It is a cycle, for certain, that has to be acknowledged and tackled to finally heal. ?

Almost a decade ago, while in graduate school, we were assigned many books to read and review, but there was one that stood out for me, which related to practically everyone I know. Sandra Wilson’s, Hurt People Hurt People, is the book that I like to refer back to in understanding the pain ? that so many carry with them on this journey of life. Practically every scenario of hurt is addressed in the book, including unseen wounds, hurt by childhood choices, childhood fantasies, enduring hurt from others, and more. She says that “tragically, many of us continue to live out our early childhood ? choices year after pain-filled year as if we have no more options now than we were parent-dependent kids. But we do!” (p.83) Adult pain from childhood choices is real and it’s debilitating which affects us continuously in adulthood. Some of us did not learn how to process hurt as children and now we’re still handling it the same way that we did as children. Let that sink in. ?

This pain can manifest itself as anger ? in us. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion that results from a primary or underlying emotion, such as hurt, disappointment ?, guilt, etc. Anger can rule our actions. Let me give you an example. Think about a feel good story that you see on social media. Instead of just reading the story, you may feel compelled to leave a comment under the post. Something in you tells you to read the comments ? from others and although many are positive, you keep scrolling subconsciously until you land on that one evil post that turns this feel good post into an argument ? of where you are now defending what’s right. Wow. How’d you get here? Some ignorant person who you’ll never meet evoked all of these feelings and emotions in you. You’re angry but Wilson (2001) helps us to see that “hurt people commonly use anger to disguise and deflect their guilt and grief”. In a nutshell, this speaks volumes. It’s time to deal with those suppressed feelings that are ruling your life. After you truly understand YOU and why you are feeling this way, you learn to walk away and the power of discernment. Look at you: EVOLVING! ?

Going forward, many of the blogposts will most likely deal with how we deal with pain in our lives. How it turns into depression, grief, anxiety, fear, resentment, pent up anger and so much more is a true reality of those who deal with this on a daily basis. I’m asked frequently for resources, and suggestions on self-help books ? and this is one that I pull from my resource bookshelf quite often. I’m a self-help book junkie, but if you’re starting your collection, go for it. Time ? to heal those wounds and stop spreading your unhealed hurt ? to others. You got this! ?

Reference:

Sandra Wilson (2001): Hurt People Hurt People

Sending light and love,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

How to Live with Your Choices

Each week is different for me discovering what I want to discuss. Sometimes it’s based on current events, other times it’s what I am feeling within, which needs to escape in the form of words. So, the topic this week of how to live with your choices speaks volumes. ? We all have heard the adage “no regrets”, but how simple is that to live by? It seems that as we self-reflect, choices that we’ve made for our lives invade our minds. Questioning and wondering ? what could have been, if this choice hadn’t been made, is an all too familiar thought that permeates our inner-self.

Usually, it’s the detrimental choices that we feel compelled to focus on and the right choices tend to be overlooked because there’s zero need to focus on those, right? ? Wrong. For every unfavorable choice that you’ve made, there has to be a sound one. Let’s explore some scenarios. So, you picked the wrong mate? You thought they were the one, but turns out that they are so far from being the right one that they should be on a different planet. ? You didn’t finish that education or career path that you laid out when you were in high school. Life got in the way and now you feel stuck in a dead end job. You let your emotions ?? lead and then you went down a path of destruction. Whether that included engaging in substance abuse, promiscuity, jail stints and more, it’s not the life you desired for yourself….but here you are. Ta-Da! ?

So CJ, since you have all of the answers, how do I forgive myself and move on from the shame I feel due to my past mistakes? Well, I definitely don’t have all of the answers, but I do understand the power of forgiveness. When we forgive others, it’s for us and not for them because they no longer possess that power over us; therefore, we can move on in our lives. That same sentiment works for you too. Forgive yourself for those choices, so that you can move forward and concentrate on what you did right. We can’t go backward, ⬅️ so we have to keep moving ahead. ➡️ What have you done right? It all can’t be faulty because you’re still here. ?

? I’ll say it every post if I need to in order for you to grasp it: YOU ARE NOT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES!!! Defining yourself by past choices that you made undermines who you are today and who you are destined to be. Every situation is unique because we are all individuals, but one thing we all have in common is that we are humans. Humans are flawed and we are not infallible. We learn to accept our choices and not just lie in the bed ? we made, but you cannot remain there. Get out of that bed and continue moving onward and upward! ⬆️ You are worthy of everything that you attempt and achieve. Just work on forgiving those past choices and start weighing out all the pros ➕ and cons ➖ going forward ➡️ when broached with new decisions.

Learn from your past. That’s what it’s there for, a life lesson- JUST FOR YOU!!! You’re extraordinary enough to get your own lessons and they’re not like anyone else’s. Well, aren’t you special! Yes you are! You continue to grow strength ?from the challenges that you endure. You become stronger for every ☔️storm in your life that you defeat. One thing that I learned about storms: you are in one, coming out of one, or getting ready to enter into another one. NO ONE is exempt. NO ONE. Keep that same energy and winning spirit as you encounter the future ones, and you will start to view yourself as a victor and not a victim of your circumstances.

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU ARE LOVED! ?

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Staying True to Yourself

Greetings All! ? This week’s topic can be utilized right now during these unprecedented times as well as any other time in your life when you question who you are and what you stand for. Recently, we’ve all witnessed the influx of information out here relating to recent events pertaining to Covid-19 and protests, but we must adhere to our inner voice. It’s easy to conform to someone’s way of thinking and believing, especially when you haven’t done the work yet to know who you are. These are times when we all should go within ourselves to explore our inner being, which is the true essence of who we are. Does this mean that who you were at age 18 is who you should still be at age 40? Absolutely not. In fact, we should evolve as we mature and gain more insight; however, our foundation of our persona remains the same.

Taking into consideration that we may not have endured specific situations to know where we may stand is still important to understand who we still are. You do not have to endure specific situations to understand right and wrong. If you hold certain morals and values for yourself, you will remain true to that part of you. If you ever question who you are through situations, it is an indicator where to begin work in your life. This allows you to grasp a better understanding of where you stand with yourself, not the situation. ?

Do the work. Learn who you are. Take a stand. Stand firm on it. Engage in transparency- always. This is how you make sense of it all and continue to get through this challenging journey of life. ?

This week, I wanted to include a quick , but informative, three and a half minute video of Ralph Smart. He is an author, psychologist, radio host, researcher, and film maker to name a few of his accolades. The You Tube video that he posted on “Staying True to Yourself” speaks volumes and will provide you with a constant resource to refer to whenever in doubt on how to achieve it. Within the link, there are many resources on how to follow him on all social media outlets as well as his website. ☀️

Access Smart’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr8zwbbl7nI

I hope you will enjoy and I hope that you will continue to stay true to yourself.

Sending light and love,

CJ

LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Your Feelings are Valid

This week was supposed to be the last topic of my series discussing Coronavirus and how to cope. It was going to be focused on how to move forward, but that’s not as important as what I have on my mind for this week’s topic: You and your feelings. How do we process all of this unfairness and corruption that continues to infiltrate our lives? For some reason, in spite of all of the heartaches relating to police brutality or unwarranted homicides that many of us have felt more frequently in the past ten years(thanks to the internet and social media), these most recent heartbreaking events seem to affect us beyond a state of unrest.

FEELINGS

Since last week, my therapeutic sessions have seemed to focus more on how we are coping with the murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. The passion that has been evoked in most of us, and I feel safe to say of all of my readers, is unwavering. The thought of having to repeatedly visualize the image of an innocent man’s murder on camera, at the hands of someone who has taken an oath to serve and protect is just heart-wrenching and led to the eruption of protests that you are witnessing daily. When you can’t be an ordinary citizen and sleep or enjoy ice cream in your home(Breonna Taylor, Botham Jean, respectively), take a jog in your neighborhood (Ahmaud Arbery), or receive due process of the law without being murdered on camera(George Floyd), you hopefully realize that your emotions are beyond valid to feel everything that you are experiencing. Everything. From anger ? to frustration, exhaustion, rage, hurt, disappointment, grief, fear, unprotected, broken, heartbreak, depression, confusion ?, anxiety, and so many more that become a cycle of emotions that seem to place you in an out of control state. ?

CHALLENGES

What’s more exhausting than all of these feelings is the fact that you also have other challenges going on in your life at the same dang time. UGH! ? Whether you’re dealing with older problems, new situations, or an influx of both that are stressing you to a level of breakdown, it’s just too much to handle. Something has to give in order to continue on and see a clearer sky. ☀️ As I’ve heard the millennials say often “the struggle is real”. What can you do to make all of these problems and heightened emotions dissipate that seem to occupy your mind like this?

SELF CARE

I’ll tell you what you can’t do. You can’t continue like this without a plan. Self-care is vital. ? You must prioritize what needs your time and energy and how much of it. If you’re an active protester and you have to continue, designate certain days that you are able to lend your voice and exercise your first amendment right. At the level of justified aggravation that we are feeling, protesting could continue for months to come. By choosing times and days that you can partake allows you to control your time and focus on the importance of the movement for those moments. You’re back in the driver’s seat ? with your schedule and dominating your stress levels. You do not have to physically protest daily because that can be overly draining for you and lead to self-deterioration along with self-deprivation. If you feel the need to be greatly involved, lend your help in other areas behind the scenes, in the comfort of your home, on the days outside of the days that you are protesting.

DETERMINATION

Work your schedule! Devote enough time to the other areas and problems that are consuming your life. All of our problems are either controllable by making certain decisions or taking certain actions to alleviate them OR they are out of our control. Once you identify and label each problem/situation in your life, ? it makes it easier to cope and elevate from it and move on to the next. You CAN cope and get through any and everything that you are enduring, but it takes vigorous effort and determination.

GRIEF

Grieve for our lost brothers and sisters. ? It feels as if we’ve lost a family member because we realize they could easily be one of our own family members. This also may trigger losses that we may already be struggling with and the pain of loss from a loved one is unbearable to say the least. ? Mourn all of your losses and know that you are not alone. You are entitled to grieve as long as you need. Grief is an individual process for everyone. You owe zero explanation for your ups and downs and forward movement or remaining stagnant. I’m going to shout it from the mountaintop ⛰until it resonates in you:

?YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!

Always know that help is here. If you can’t get the relief you need in dealing with your emotions and seem to be further declining in your functionalities, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Sending many prayers and blessings to you!

Stay strong and remember you got this. ?

***For you that need scripture reference to help deal with grief, please go to: Psalms: 147:3, Matthew: 11:28-30, Isaiah: 54, and John: 14:27

RIP George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breanna Taylor ?

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LET’S CHAT! LEAVE A MESSAGE BELOW IF YOU’D LIKE AND HELP OTHERS WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS THAT YOU MAY HAVE!

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC: A CONTINUATION OF TODAY’S TOPIC

Coronavirus, You and Your Mate

So, we all know that maintaining a healthy coupledom requires ongoing effort and is extremely challenging without pandemics, like the coronavirus, added into the equation. For many, being quarantined has brought forward unknown feelings and discoveries about ourselves and significant others that we may have wanted to keep hidden. Maybe your spouse travels, works a demanding job with late hours, or is an over the road truck driver, and is now at home more. As a result, you’re noticing that extra spark of energy is missing that’s normally there on weekends, or the household help that you look forward to, suddenly has disintegrated. Prior to the coronavirus outbreak, you could always expect breakfast on Saturdays, the kids out of your hair for half the day (allowing you to catch up and watch all of those shows in PEACE that you’ve been saving), and washing and folding the laundry! Whew, what a treat. ? Again, all of this was prior to the coronavirus. Unfortunately, the coronavirus is still here and now you wonder will those dirty socks ever make it into the laundry hamper- geesh, it’s only three feet away from the shower! ? What about those breakfast dishes? Do they really think you’re the maid? Something has to give. ?

What about you who were already not experiencing any good times prior to the coronavirus? You were having challenges on the home front and just barely skating by. You felt like you were living with a roommate and just came together only when you had to. Silent treatment is your most common form of communication. You knew there were complications and that the situation you were in was unhealthy, but it was feasible because you only had to deal with your partner and the emptiness from late evening until bedtime. Sure, the nights were long and you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, wondering where it all went wrong. However, the next day quickly came, and now it’s time to continue the pretense and live your day. The bills are paid because you have a mate in the home helping you, so that’s all that matters right now. Furthermore, you have the perception of a “happy coupledom” to your friends, family and colleagues, so you’ve trained your mind to just endure.

How about being in a relationship where you have no idea where you stand? You’ve known this person for years and you thought you were getting closer to a committed union, but every time that you think that you’ve made strides, you two are moving two steps backwards. What gives? How can you move forward with the love of your life and why are you dancing to two separate tunes in life? It’s easier to just stay together because you’ve heard and seen the horror stories about trying to meet someone in this day and age. It’s easier to just stay right where you are, in spite of, because you’ve put in so much time and effort, and it’s just unfair to have to start all over. Oh well, it’s not that bad, right?

I could go on and on with all of the different types of hardship-relationship scenarios that are occurring right now, but these are a few that are common. Life is not as simple as it appears from the outside view. You could truly be living in hell, but an Oscar-performing actress showcasing “happiness” for the masses. Hopefully, while you are still restricted from outside movement during this pandemic, you will continue to search within to discover your needs and ensure you receive them. Some relationships will withstand the test of time, but those should only be the healthy pairings. I could give you tips on enforcing and sustaining relationships, as I shared in the past two blogs, but I’m being led to share how to determine if you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship.

  1. When you are going through a difficult time with your significant other, are you focused on the problem and a solution or does it continue to define your relationship? We will always have disagreements because we are two individuals with different minds and worldviews, but if the problem never seems to subside or continues to return at the same elevated level- this is an example of an unhealthy relationship.
  2. Are you able to be transparent with your mate? Yes, we should all think before we speak, so as not to put our ? in our mouth, but we should always feel comfortable in being ourselves.
  3. Do you have inside jokes that only you two share? Do you laugh together? Play together? For my spiritual couples- pray together? Confide in one another? If your mate is not aware of what makes you laugh, what dreams you have, what your fears are, etc., there is a great deal lacking in your relationship that needs exploring.
  4. Are you the cat’s meow to your mate? Do the butterflies still exist when he or she winks at you? Do you feel like you’re valued and wanted? Supported? Every relationship endures different levels to love. One season, you may be over the moon in love and the next, you don’t want to be bothered, but you should have more over the moon seasons than not wanting to be bothered seasons. ?
  5. Do you find yourself making decisions that you normally would not have, only to satisfy your mate or to avoid conflict? You matter. Healthy conflict is mandatory and compromise is ideal in situations, but not in every situation, which leads to the next question.
  6. Are you the one who seems to always compromise? Being a part of a union requires effort and compromise on both sides, but not just one-side.
  7. After committing to change, does your mate always revert back to the same toxic or negative behavior? You should expect your mate to keep their word and to work on shortcomings. This demonstrates respect for self, you and the relationship. Resuming questionable behavior manifests a person’s true character and in many cases, solidifies it.
  8. Are you there only for the kids? Kids are resilient and can internalize all of the pain and angst that you are experiencing as a couple. Ask yourselves what are they truly gaining by you remaining in the relationship.
  9. Are you there just for the two- person income household? Material things? Maybe it’s time to downsize and ask yourself, is it truly worth it?
  10. Do you feel obligated to be physically intimate with your significant other? Intimacy is always your choice. You should never feel like you have to give your body to anyone. There is a reason that you are not feeling connected and it needs to be addressed and considered because it is an important part of the relationship, but not the only part of a healthy relationship.
  11. Are you happy? Happiness comes from within. Only you can make yourself happy. If you are happy, you do not require anyone else to take over that role for you. Anyone who is a part of your life, supplements and complements your happiness, but never takes it away. If you are relying solely on your mate to sustain your happiness, this is not a healthy relationship and you’ve given them too much control over your internal joy.
  12. Do you have a life outside of your significant other? You were an individual person before the union, and it’s important to maintain autonomy and interests without your mate.
  13. Are you on the same wavelength spiritually, financially, and emotionally? It’s imperative to have similar goals for your lives when it relates to the foundational values. If your mate is not growing upward with you and remains in the same space, this is another example of a challenging relationship that could lead to continued deterioration.
  14. Are outsiders dictating your relationship such as in-laws, friends, and family members? Only you, your spouse and God are in this relationship. No outsiders.
  15. Do you feel emotionally abused in anyway? Is there any physical abuse occurring? This is ? percent, a NO-NO. Seek help immediately of a trusted support system or call 800-799-7233.

Yes, coronavirus is reeking its’ toll on all of us with relationships included. Taking the time out to explore your relationship and determining if it is worth fighting for is always your choice. Sometimes, therapy can assist with tools to help you combat the onset of issues or long-term problems that have become the norm for your coupledom. If you determine by answering the 15 questions above, the appropriate responses which coincide with each question, that you are in a healthy relationship, continue building. If you determine overall that your relationship is not healthy, it is up to you to make some tough decisions about your life.

What are some tips that you are utilizing that you can share? Let’s talk about it. Leave a reply down below.

***I hope any and everything that I post on my blog helps you and enhances your life in many positive ways. In the event that you need mental help, please contact a local therapist in your area; however, if you are in need of immediate assistance for an emergency, please dial 911.

Next week’s topic: CORONAVIRUS AND MOVING FORWARD